It's been a while since I have written anything. I guess I have not had much to say. So far, the summer has been OK. Still praying for rain for most of the US. Also, praying for the two lost Iowa girls safe return.
Ah family. Gotta love 'em. I saw a post on Facebook that said family stands for Father And Mother I Love You. Sounds good to me. Sometimes family members say or do something that upsets us. The way I see it, it is OK to be mad, hurt, angry and so on. Then after you have had a chance to think about what happened and a little bit of time has gone by, it is time to forgive them.
Recently, my husband got upset with some "concerned" family members. It was suggested by one family member that our son is developmentally disabled and is hyperactive. This one family member does not deserve all of the blame. Some of these "concerned" family members should have brought their concerns to us themselves. That is, if they were truly concerned. Instead they chose to gossip. Of course my husband and I were very hurt and upset over this. Mainly because we know that our son is not developmentally disabled or hyperactive. You cannot compare one child to another. They all develop differently. We have spoken with his doctor and confirmed that he is exactly where he should be developmentally and that he is not hyperactive. His doctor advised us that we should be worried if he did not have lots of energy. We have had the hyperactive conversation with one family member several times. He is not hyperactive and does not have ADHD. I as a stay at home mommy I took this very hard. I am the one who is teaching him, sees if he is reaching his milestones and developing properly.
Writing this I hope the family members involved see the hurt feelings they have caused. Please bring your concerns straight to us. When you do bring your concerns to us, please listen to what we tell you. Trust us as his parents to have his best interests at heart. My son is the most precious thing in the world to me. I will do anything for him. Also, I forgive you. Please forgive me for my anger. I don't believe it does anyone any good to hold grudges. Especially with family. They are your family, you only get one.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Depression, grief
I've been feeling very down lately. Maybe the weather is partly to blame. It has been pretty gloomy out. I just wonder if I will ever get ahead of this depression and PTSD. At times it consumes me. I feel disconnected, alone, and sometimes frozen. Sometimes I don't feel as if I should be sitting in my living room. I guess a better way to describe it is, I feel as if I don't belong. I feel blocked most of the time. I am seeing a counselor. I still think my meds are not quite right. But, they have been worse. I have recently started a weight loss class with the VA. I wish I could just snap out of it. Wake up one day and just feel happy again. No crushing weight on my chest. I know it doesn't work that way. I just wish it did.
My grandmother died this week. I was not very close with her. But, it still hurts and I still grieve. I know she is in heaven now and her pain is gone. I hope my mom and her siblings are doing ok. Mom says she is ok. I hope she is. I just worry about her. I am not able to travel back home for the funeral. That makes me kind of sad. My mom told me that while she was going through my grandmother's stuff she found letters I sent from Iraq. I was very surprised that she kept them (since we were not very close). I guess I meant more to her than I realized. I guess she meant more to me than I realized.
My grandmother died this week. I was not very close with her. But, it still hurts and I still grieve. I know she is in heaven now and her pain is gone. I hope my mom and her siblings are doing ok. Mom says she is ok. I hope she is. I just worry about her. I am not able to travel back home for the funeral. That makes me kind of sad. My mom told me that while she was going through my grandmother's stuff she found letters I sent from Iraq. I was very surprised that she kept them (since we were not very close). I guess I meant more to her than I realized. I guess she meant more to me than I realized.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Vacation with a two year old
My son and I just got back from a two and a half week vacation to visit family. We had a wonderful time. But, it is great to be home! The car ride was a little rough for my son. Thank the Lord for my iPod. My son was able to watch movies the whole car ride! The ride home was not so great. He was not content with the iPod and screamed for about 2 hours. He finally stopped about 20 miles from home and fell asleep.
We got to visit all of our family members back home and a few friends that I never get to see. I think the trip was a little unsettling for my son. The longest we stayed in one place was five days. The shortest was one day. Now that we are home nap time and bed time have become a problem. My son has learned how to take the child lock off the door knob and how to turn the light on. We have had to tape the light switch down and tape the child lock for the door. So far so good. Only a little crying at nap time and bed time. In the mornings I wake up to my son kicking his bedroom door. I hope he learns soon that we do not get up until it is light out, 5:30 is way too early!
We got to visit all of our family members back home and a few friends that I never get to see. I think the trip was a little unsettling for my son. The longest we stayed in one place was five days. The shortest was one day. Now that we are home nap time and bed time have become a problem. My son has learned how to take the child lock off the door knob and how to turn the light on. We have had to tape the light switch down and tape the child lock for the door. So far so good. Only a little crying at nap time and bed time. In the mornings I wake up to my son kicking his bedroom door. I hope he learns soon that we do not get up until it is light out, 5:30 is way too early!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Drop in daycare
Finally got brave enough to set up an appointment for my son to go to drop in daycare. I stressed about leaving him there all day with someone I don't know. But, in the end I knew it would be fine and he would probably do better than I would. Also, I needed to get some things done. I dropped him off this morning. He seemed to do well right away, was able to leave mommy and go find the toys. I tried to sneak out but he caught me. A little while later I was able to successfully sneak out. Oh what to do with this whole day to myself???? Hmmmm. Well, I got my son and I packed for a trip to visit family. And I didn't even need to take a nap! (This is a pretty big accomplishment for me.) My husband will be staying home to work. :( I did pretty well myself. I only called once to check on him! Yeah! That was a pretty big triumph for me. Even though I got a lot done I missed my son very much. It sounds like he did awesome at daycare! Played hard and even took a nap! The daycare lady even sent home a report card for him! Oh, my baby's first report card! Almost made me cry.
When my husband brought my son home he was all tuckered out. The only thing that would get him off my lap was a peanut butter cup! He even crawled into bed all on his own. I'm so glad I decided to try this out. I will definitely use this service again!
Such a good day! A day full of firsts and accomplishments!
When my husband brought my son home he was all tuckered out. The only thing that would get him off my lap was a peanut butter cup! He even crawled into bed all on his own. I'm so glad I decided to try this out. I will definitely use this service again!
Such a good day! A day full of firsts and accomplishments!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Spring/Toddler bed
Spring is on my mind today. Maybe it is the beautiful sunshine we have had the past few days. Maybe it is the promise that warmer days will soon be here. I love spring. All the new green plants and trees awakening is such a wonderful thing. I cannot wait for the new greenery to appear! The promise of spring, a promise of rebirth and renewing.
I, like many people find they have more energy and better mood with he warmer weather. We have not had a bad winter this year. But, I am still ready for the warmer weather to be here. My psychiatric nurse practitioner gave me a light box to help improve my energy and my mood. She did this because the meds are not working well enough and she wonders if part of the problem is the dreary weather. So far I am not completely sold on the idea. It does make sense to me since I do notice a difference when I am able to get out in the sun. But, can this little box really give me the same effect? I am going to try it and find out. Today is day three with the light box. I do feel ok today. But I am no sure if it is seeing the sun shining outside or the effects of the light box. Maybe the light box needs more prolonged exposure over more days. We shall see.
My husband and I have decided to take the side rail down on our son's crib. He now has a toddler bed. He was so very excited. He now plays and watches movies in his room. H is such a big boy now! Where did the time go??? My baby is growing up.
So far he has done very well at bedtime and nap time. He does still protest as he still does not want to go to sleep. But, he has stayed in his bed each time I put him down. I am so impressed with my little one. So proud! And so sad. He does not seem to need his momma so much anymore. He even shuts the door on me when he wants to play in his room. After I get his movie going he doesn't need me. :(
I, like many people find they have more energy and better mood with he warmer weather. We have not had a bad winter this year. But, I am still ready for the warmer weather to be here. My psychiatric nurse practitioner gave me a light box to help improve my energy and my mood. She did this because the meds are not working well enough and she wonders if part of the problem is the dreary weather. So far I am not completely sold on the idea. It does make sense to me since I do notice a difference when I am able to get out in the sun. But, can this little box really give me the same effect? I am going to try it and find out. Today is day three with the light box. I do feel ok today. But I am no sure if it is seeing the sun shining outside or the effects of the light box. Maybe the light box needs more prolonged exposure over more days. We shall see.
My husband and I have decided to take the side rail down on our son's crib. He now has a toddler bed. He was so very excited. He now plays and watches movies in his room. H is such a big boy now! Where did the time go??? My baby is growing up.
So far he has done very well at bedtime and nap time. He does still protest as he still does not want to go to sleep. But, he has stayed in his bed each time I put him down. I am so impressed with my little one. So proud! And so sad. He does not seem to need his momma so much anymore. He even shuts the door on me when he wants to play in his room. After I get his movie going he doesn't need me. :(
Monday, March 5, 2012
My husband
My husband is wonderful! I am not just saying this since he will probably read this. He truly is a great husband and father. As I have mentioned earlier, I have PTSD, depression and anxiety. He works full time, helps with our son, and takes care of the house, yard and cars. With my PTSD, depression and anxiety I have had problems with fatigue. My depression and energy problems have taken their toll on the house. Most of the time I am no able to get the house cleaned up. Also, I still nap when my son does. Yes, I know part of it is that I have a two year old. He is into everything so it is hard to keep up with him and pick up after him.
Other moms tell me not to be so hard on myself. That all this is perfectly normal. But, I still feel terrible that my husband works so hard outside the home and he doesn't even have a clean house to come home to. I do see a counselor and a psychiatric nurse practitioner for my meds. My counselor tells me just to work on one room a day to keep up. Some days this is too much but, I am trying. my psychiatric nurse practitioner has me on meds to help with the energy and staying awake. And is also sending me a light box. Hopefully this will help on the gloomy days.
Even though other moms tell me that is normal to have a messy house with a two year old. I still wonder if they are telling me the truth. Do other moms really feel like this??? Do they have a hard time keeping their house clean and somewhat uncluttered???
My wonderful husband has stayed with me through all of this. Not just stay with me but, helped me and supported me. I love him very much and don't know what I would do without him.
Other moms tell me not to be so hard on myself. That all this is perfectly normal. But, I still feel terrible that my husband works so hard outside the home and he doesn't even have a clean house to come home to. I do see a counselor and a psychiatric nurse practitioner for my meds. My counselor tells me just to work on one room a day to keep up. Some days this is too much but, I am trying. my psychiatric nurse practitioner has me on meds to help with the energy and staying awake. And is also sending me a light box. Hopefully this will help on the gloomy days.
Even though other moms tell me that is normal to have a messy house with a two year old. I still wonder if they are telling me the truth. Do other moms really feel like this??? Do they have a hard time keeping their house clean and somewhat uncluttered???
My wonderful husband has stayed with me through all of this. Not just stay with me but, helped me and supported me. I love him very much and don't know what I would do without him.
TV
I am probably just like most women my age. I have "my shows" that I have to watch. Although, I don't get to watch them as often as I would like. My son usually wins that battle of the remote. So, instead of watching House, Desperate Housewives and the rest of "my shows", I find myself watching Rugrats, Veggie Tales, and Cars 2 over and over again.
I do miss my shows. But, lately I have found I don't miss them so much. WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!!!! Has watching cartoons all day everyday ruined me, made me crazy?! It used to be that I had to watch my shows. My husband would take my son and go play in another room so I could watch "my shows". Lately I have found myself not reminding my husband that it is my night to watch my shows. And I haven't been watching them online much either. They just don't seem like much of a priority any more. Every now and then I still watch "my shows" and my husband takes my son to play. This usually happens when I need some mommy time. As long as I don't start to enjoy all the kid shows too much, I think I will be OK. :)
I do miss my shows. But, lately I have found I don't miss them so much. WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!!!! Has watching cartoons all day everyday ruined me, made me crazy?! It used to be that I had to watch my shows. My husband would take my son and go play in another room so I could watch "my shows". Lately I have found myself not reminding my husband that it is my night to watch my shows. And I haven't been watching them online much either. They just don't seem like much of a priority any more. Every now and then I still watch "my shows" and my husband takes my son to play. This usually happens when I need some mommy time. As long as I don't start to enjoy all the kid shows too much, I think I will be OK. :)
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